Sticky spirituality

Almost two years ago I wrote:

"So today it hit me with a powerful punch that I've been basing my spiritual life on what feels right to me. That's right – I've been ruled by my emotions. I would LOVE Christianity to be TRUE. I YEARN for it to be TRUE. But the trouble is I am a rational being, and for two years I have been conflicted between an emotional yearning for the Christianity of my adolescence and the rational approach of Evolutionary Enlightenment.
Over and over again, I've come to the conclusion that the emotional aspect of spirituality is the least reliable, that the context in which that emotion is interpreted is more important. Over and over again, I have set that conclusion aside and hitched onto something I hoped was true."

Then two weeks ago I wrote:

"I no longer yearn for a religion to call my own, a theology to be certain of, something solid to stand on. I yearn to be with God. Breathe…and I'm with Him.
Since CBE I've been transfixed by the idea that I need to stop all theological speculation – of course, it's just like me to take an all or nothing approach – so put the theology books down, leave the philosophy books on the shelf. The simple joy of chanting the names of God, or waiting for Him in silent surrender. This is all I want."

Oy, the stickiness, the stickiness…

I've been vacillating between the ecstatic experiences that (for me at least) seem pretty easily accessible and the rational explanations that (for me at least) seem quite compelling. One without the other seems impossible to tolerate. Am I finally ready for emptiness? That all phenomena – intellectual and emotional – are actually empty of any essence. That attachment to any thing (experience or idea) is attachment to something that is empty – that will disappoint, that will cause suffering.

So what is the answer? Tantra like interest and enjoyment in the ecstatic – intellectual curiosity about what is or might be – non-attachment – comfort with uncertainty?